The Truth is… Advocacy Saves Lives.

Last week I woke up to an unexpected phone call from a client who had gone into labor at 31 weeks. Thankfully, her baby is getting stronger every day with time, love, and care from both mama and the NICU. That said, going into labor early can be a scary experience and it is crucial to listen to your body and reach out for help and support whenever something doesn’t feel quite right. After supporting this client through her experience, I couldn’t help but think about some of my own friends who have been down that road of not being able to leave the hospital with their babies.

My friend Theresa and I originally bonded over our shared experience of miscarriage and our relationship flourished from there. She is someone I can laugh and cry with and I truly cherish how open and honest we are with each other. I’m grateful to Theresa for sharing her story in an effort to highlight and raise awareness around the importance of advocacy during pregnancy and birth and improve the health and wellbeing of both mothers and babies. She is nothing short of a strong, resilient, and passionate mother and woman.

Today also marks the first day of Black History Month and this year's theme is Black Health and Wellness. We know the racial disparities in reproductive healthcare are wide, and in New Jersey, the rates of maternal and infant mortality in the Black community are among the highest in the United States. My birthday also happens to fall in February, so for my 40th birthday, I am fundraising for Black Mamas Matter Alliance, an organization that advocates, drives research, builds power, and shifts culture for Black maternal health, rights, and justice. You can donate to fund this groundbreaking work here. The truth is, advocacy can save lives and everyone deserves to be heard, supported, and treated with dignity during their pregnancy, labor, and after.

Can you tell us a little bit about how your second pregnancy was different from your first and the events that preceded Micah's birth?

My second pregnancy was actually very similar to my first, but this time around I was able to recognize symptoms that I had during my first pregnancy that I felt were not normal and that should be brought up to my OBGYN. When I was pregnant with both my first and second child, I had extremely swollen ankles and hands. I chalked it up to a symptom of pregnancy, not recognizing that these might be signs of something more serious. During my first pregnancy, around my third trimester, I started experiencing very bad headaches and attributed it to staying up late and having salty chip cravings! But during my second pregnancy, the swelling and headaches started to happen very early on (maybe around the end of my first trimester). I knew that this wasn’t very normal this early in a pregnancy. I went to my OBGYN group and described my symptoms to them. They too were concerned and started to monitor my symptoms early on, including how high my blood pressure began to creep up each time I visited my appointments.

By week 24, my symptoms had not improved and my OBGYN referred me to a high-risk specialist to monitor my symptoms two times per week. At that moment, had the OBGYN not referred me, I think my pregnancy story may have had a different outcome. For weeks I would be monitored and by the 28th week, it was confirmed and I was diagnosed with preeclampsia. For some reason, I was not extremely concerned. Mainly because I had all of these same symptoms in my first pregnancy, so I figured it was going to still be an easy delivery. Fast forward to week 30 and I was receiving steroid injections to improve my child's lung growth and development. I honestly did not know how severe preeclampsia is and how life-threatening it can be both to mom and baby. Around 33 weeks or so, I started seeing spots and my blood pressure was so high that I was eventually admitted into the hospital. I was told that I would need to deliver Micah early because the preeclampsia was so extreme at this point. I remember laying in the maternity ward thinking... how did we get here? What if that OBGYN had never referred me to a high-risk specialist? Would I have lost my baby? I was a ball of emotions. After three days of an intense labor induction, Micah would not come out. And on the fourth day, which happened to be my birthday (and my mom’s!), I was told that I would need to deliver him via emergency cesarean.

Once you knew that you’d have to deliver pre-term, what was the process and how were you supported by your providers?

The process happened in a matter of days for me. I was seeing my high-risk specialist for a routine visit and once he took my blood pressure and saw that it was extremely high, I was sent to the hospital immediately to deliver. Overall, I was pretty supported by my providers, but there was always a small thought in my head that wondered, what if I were not so lucky with my first child? I had the exact same symptoms in both pregnancies and preeclampsia was only caught during this pregnancy...

Theresa’s adorable children, Micah and Mason

Once Micah was born, what was your experience with a preemie in the NICU, another child at home, and recovering yourself?

I have to be honest, the experience was heartbreaking. Don't get me wrong, the NICU team was fantastic, and still to this day, I believe NICU nurses are truly angels, but there is nothing worse than being carted off in a wheelchair out of the hospital after you've recovered from delivery without your baby in your arms. It's the most empty feeling I have ever experienced. I cried every night that Micah was in the NICU. I felt alone. While the NICU teams are extremely supportive and you know that your baby is in good hands, there is nothing like holding your baby, smelling your baby, and having them close to you. During that time I don't even remember my recovery, as I was so focused on seeing Micah every day and I think it helped take my mind off of recovery. Having my oldest son with me in the evenings when he returned from daycare helped me tremendously and brought some normalcy to the situation, but even he was sad. He couldn't understand why he had a baby brother at the hospital but he could not be home. Even writing this now, it still brings back that emotion.

I know Micah was born on your birthday, which also happens to be your mother’s birthday, what kind of symbolism does that carry for you and your family?

Honestly, it's quite a funny symbolism. When I was younger, my mother used to say to me that she no longer celebrated her birthday because it was all about me. I used to laugh when I was younger because I didn't really understand what she meant. Well, now on my birthday it's all about Micah! I completely understand it now.

What else gave you hope during the uncertain times and what is a piece of advice you would give others caring for a preemie?

I think what gave me the most hope were the NICU nurses. They were all truly incredible. The care they have for these babies and families, particularly the mothers, was absolutely amazing. The advice I would give to others caring for a preemie is to remember that your baby knows that you love them. It's hard to not have the same bonding time you would normally have, but babies know who you are and can feel the love you have for them, even if you are not close to them.